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Being Stuck and Resting are NOT Equal

| May 22, 2018
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Being Stuck and Resting are NOT Equal

Decisions, Decisions…
If you have traveled, or are traveling, the widowhood road, you probably know how overwhelming its myriad changes and choices can be. Making even one good decision, let alone many, can be an especially tall order at a time when just putting one foot in front of the other may seem like more than you can muster.

“To Do Something or to Rest?” That is the Question
The amount of “doing” to be done when your spouse dies can feel insurmountable. But with grief, stress, anguish and uncertainty camped out on your doorstep, you may lack the clarity and wherewithal to do the best thing. Most of the time you’re so mentally (and maybe even physically) tired that all you really want to do is rest.

But even resting can feel scary. Won’t taking a time-out mean you’re not making progress? That you’ve failed somehow? That you’re stuck in the uncomfortable, uncertainty that is NOW?

It’s hard not to succumb to the pressure to do something – anything – just to fast-track yourself from point A to point B…to get through this grieving thing. However, the truth is that reacting that way often equates to anything but real progress.

Being stuck certainly can describe someone who is unready and incapable of planning, decision making, implementation and/or follow-through. But if you rush to do anything just to prove to others and/or yourself that you can, you can get stuck in a different way – stuck in a pattern of stress-induced reactions and behaviors that aren’t in your best interest.

Deciding to Rest
As financial consultants trained in the art and science of transition, we know that deciding to take a much-needed breather means you’re anything but stuck. In fact, it could be exactly what you need to get un-stuck. We understand the value of resting, a period during which you limit what’s on your plate to truly urgent issues, while backing away from making any decision or taking any action that isn’t absolutely and immediately necessary.

Mindful resting gives you space to absorb your experience and reflect on key issues such as sense of self and sense of purpose – rather than potentially getting stuck in stress-induced behavior and rash commitments that don’t work for you.

Resting allows you the time you need to come to terms with all the newness that widowhood brings. Furthermore, it empowers you to look back at how you’ve reacted and responded to previous transitions and to determine what has (and hasn’t) worked well for you, providing powerful information for your journey forward. When your period of rest has helped you become truly ready, you can thoughtfully respond to the changes and choices that remain, rather than merely reacting to them out of discomfort, fear or urgency.

The Ironic Truth about Resting
Resting doesn’t mean that you’re doing nothing. It means that you’ve made the prudent choice to undertake some of the most important work that a person can do in the face of life-altering change.  

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

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